For thinking that there were degrees of how hard life can be, and thinking that this is just the easy hard.

I fell again, and understood some mighty mighty wrongs in assumptions, ah, since realization is a bitch and she bites straight through the skin and on to the bone. I continue staring out of this high rise window and sees some sort of familiarity, it's still raining out and I have no chance of doing any runs in the downpour, I have to work and find some sort of continuity of my life in the flat monitor screens in front of me. Perhaps there are answers somewhere in that grayness, even as my laundry stays damp and mildewy. I pull the blinds down and return to the monitor screens, thinking when was the last time I ever wanted coffee. Or perhaps, I just need some time for myself. I return to the window for my fifteen minute break and stare into grayness again, hoping the buildings weren't there to ruin the scene.

As my birthdays come my heroes also slowly die, and still I continue staring out of this window and into the rain. I feel there's a need to be lost again, then I can find myself, and have some time enough to love myself.